Spice up that resume / CV

Spice up that resume / CV
Are you a n'ere do well? Well, here's a few tips on how to put a positive spin on those dodgy life experiences:


Hung out in the library playing D&D

Spent time working on mathematical probablilty research

Hung out behind the school, smoking with my drop-out pals

Engaged in participant research with at-risk youth

Had drunken sex in my parent's basement

Volunteer peer sex education and substance abuse counselor

Beat up kids for their lunch money

Taught anger management and investment strategies

Funny Resumes
“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”



“Education: College, August 1880- May 1984.”



“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”



“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”



“I’m a rabid typist.”



“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”
Reasons for Leaving your Previous Job:



“Responsibility makes me nervous.”



“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”



“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”



“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”



“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”



“The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.”
Personal Qualities



“I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”



“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”



“Number of dependents: 40.”



“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”



“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award”